’…See, I don’t do well with people not because I don’t want to but life experiences have made me wise, so I stay off! More so, I have found out that I am a melancholic and have a little bit of choleric in me, so I don’t butt into people’s lives; I let them live their lives while I live mine.”

The statement above was made in a conversation and the question that popped up in my mind was: ”How do you live then?” Really, living is beyond existing or surviving; it is being WHOLE and that requires relationship’

Yes, it is a known thing that we came from different backgrounds and have different personality traits; it is also true that we all have experiences that we might have gone through or still going through that possibly would want us to not give a ‘damn’ about people or give up on friendship but the truth remains that we cannot do without people. This is how the Lord made it, more reason God did not create us in isolation or drop us from heaven. He placed us in families so we will learn what ‘Relationship’ is.

Relationship is very important as breath is to us. Why? Every breath we have, every day we wake into is a privilege from God and He expects us to make a difference. How do we make a difference? By turning our hurts over to the Lord, find healing from His forgiveness and love, forgive others and ourselves, then allow Him teach us through His Word how to live. If we want to be sincere, there is no moment there will not be offences or hurts, even with those we feel understand or love us, most times not deliberately done.

We all are expected to learn from all things and not be too quick in pointing accusing fingers at someone or feeling so pitiful as if we are the only ones that get hurt. We all hurt people; we are not saints or all perfect. We all have character/soul issues and parts that need to be filled by others. The ability to create allowance, have a large heart and believe what we go through is another process of making for oneself is what makes the difference. We will realize that it will get to a point if we allow the Spirit help us, that we will not take notice of offences again. We need people in our lives and having them is a gift from God. Experiences could be gruesome especially from people we call friends but the beauty of it all is when one can rise still, irrespective of what he has gone through, with the capacity to forgive, love and also learn . The scripture says, ‘He that needs a friend must behave himself friendly.’

The truth is we all need someone at every stage of our lives. So many of us desire someone who know us or can understand us and several times I have heard people say of others; ‘He understands me or she is the only one I talk to because she understands people.’ To my amazement, I have come to discover that the people we run away from are actually those we need most times and the seeming understanding ones cannot help us in anyway. I have also understood that there is no such thing as a person perfectly understanding another; it is either the person does not love the other or the person too is trying to run away from people. Everyone who can live with another is one who has decided to live life to the fullest and successfully. When the scriptures say show me your friend and I will show you who you are, it is not just that behaviors might be affected but also for the purpose of fulfillment of God’s mandate over one’s life. There are people who you feel understand but cannot help in the fulfillment of God’s mandate over you, they might be lovely but they do not actually ‘love’ you; there are also the ones who you do not want to relate with because it is obvious your paths differ but in most cases we have been friends with those who we are not supposed to be friends with and ignored the ones we are to. Most times too, the relationships we have had are parasitic, if you know what I mean.

Proverbs 27:17: ‘Iron sharpens iron so a friend sharpens the countenance of his friend.’

So many of us have carved out cliches for ourselves, we have certain ways we behave, calling it who we are, some disciplines that we came about from our experiences thereby forming what we live our lives by and upholding the saying, ‘experience is the best teacher’. I stand to say that that statement is stale and obsolete. Experience is not, has never been the best teacher. We have had people who went through some certain situations all over and over again. As a matter of fact, the decisions we make after them affect us negatively. The only way we can be taught, helped and changed is by the help of the HOLY SPIRIT. He is the best teacher. This should be how we live as Christians so that our lives will convict the unbelievers. Many of us blame our shortcomings on our personality or temperament. Either way, our personalities get fine tuned as we grow up, relate and get educated – the education of the Spirit because no earthly school can teach patience or humility. No child remains a child forever neither should one remain the same in character forever.

Pastor Chris Delvan Gwamna sang, ‘’Swallow your pride tonight and come to the school of the Spirit.

Don’t you know in His hands is the key to Eternal Life…’’

We can live with people and live fine. Let this mind be in us that was in Christ so that we will become all the Lord wants us to be.